( * is a dead blog / channel that has content i go back and enjoy. )
hello! welcome to baepsae. baepsae is, admittedly, a blog that was named after a k-pop song and is a rebrand of a dying thing that didn’t yet deserve to die. the blog is maintained by mochi and has neither a particular focus or niche to this blog. you’ll typically find a bit of about music, books, anime, and the occasional rant, sharing of currents, and reviews.
find out more about the blogger here and the blog here.
November 16, 2017
i’ve made a big deal about my septum in the past. maybe not on the blog, but, in general, i absolutely love my septum and i’m so glad i gave into the urge to go on ahead and get it done. however! i don’t think i’ve actually made mentions of my tattoo to anyone outside of my real life interactions and my closest mates. i know i made a weird series of tweets about it on my personal twitter, but other than that, i rarely ever reference it. heck, i often forget about it.
so i decided that i would finally talk about the tattoo and its significance in a more in-depth and cohesive manner.
before i do that, though, i want to make a quick note. this may be a bit triggering to some people. i’m probably going to talk about depressing things, share my suicidal tendencies, and talk a bit about the pain that i experienced with my tattoo. while i may not find these things too much to talk about, i do understand that other people may and if you do, feel free to skip this post. at the end of the day, while i adore sharing things, ideas, and thoughts with you lot, i want you guys to practice self-care if need be.
as you can see, i got serendipity on my wrist in a pretty neat cursive font. let me start off by saying that if you clocked that it was slightly off centre, then wow, you’re good, but that was intentional. it’s definitely not a completed tattoo and i do plan on adding to it which is why it’s slightly off centre. i feel like i have to explain that bit to people because when i look at it, i know it’s off centre and it bloody irks me, so i can only imagine that people who clock that are just as irked as i am. but more about the addition and all of that at a different point in time.
let’s talk about this tattoo and why i got it.
you know how much i love myself some honesty, so i’m going to quickly thank bts. if you’ve not been living under a rock for the last couple months, then you’ve probably heard of them; the seven-member k-pop boy group taking america by storm and doing big things. what most people don’t know is that i’ve been a massive fan of the group and wanted to get something related to them on my body for a while. like most things in life, i have a reason for that but that’s a different conversation for another time.
that said, however, the reason i want to thank them is that serendipity is probably the best thing they could have released for me at the time of its release. not only did it give me an excuse to finally have something that i could trace back to them on body—without it being a bit questionable—but it also gave me something that i could dedicate to my closest mates and stop myself from self-harm.
for years, i’ve wanted something that i could show my love for my friends or something that if i looked at it because let’s be real here, the only reason i haven’t tried to kill myself since i was fourteen is because of the friends that i’ve managed to make along the way. i was a kid who was too smart for their own good and too bullied to be happy. i was angry. i was sad. i was jaded. i was lonely. i had been broken and i wanted to die. for years on years, i wanted to die. everything just feels a little dull and i felt like it would be better if i didn’t exist.
and then, like i had finally earned the right to be filled with contentment, i met three people who would become my best mates and other parts of my heart. it’s cheesy, but meeting these people made things a little brighter and a little better. these people kind of started a chain of me gathering people in my life that i knew i had to keep. and over time, three great people became ten great people became fifteen and so on and so on until i was just surrounded by an abundance of platonic love that i never dreamed, let alone thought, of ever receiving. i won’t sit here and say that it wasn’t and hasn’t been a struggle. it has been. majority of this small group of people have seen me at my best, my worst, my ugliest, my angriest, my most content, and all across the spectrum of emotion and they stayed.
so i needed something that celebrated them and what they have consciously or subconsciously done for me. keeping me sane and alive and reaching for a level of content that would make them proud and me feel a little less worthless. for years, nothing was good enough for my standards or for their standards.
and then here comes bts dropping “intro: serendipity” and suddenly it all made sense.
i recommend you turn on the closed captions to get the full extent of the song and its meaning.
everything from the visuals of the video to how the song makes me feel just so reminiscent of how the people in my life make me feel. to the jaquies to the amis to the nils to the alexs to the vickys to the others in between, as cheesy as this sounds, you are all my ‘serendipity’. you all are the happy and by-chance occurrences in my life. my good luck. my fortune. the reason i’m able to sometimes wake up and smile, even when i am contemplating how much better it would be to just leave this place without anyone really noticing until it was far too late.
so, yeah. serendipity.